Selfish

Selfish is NOT a four letter word. I don’t know about everyone but I was raised to NEVER be selfish. To always put others needs ahead of my own. Especially as a wife and mother. And, apparently, I was taught well because I did put my husband’s and children’s needs before mine. I may not have been as successful at it as they would have liked. There were times when I was mentally and emotionally exhausted and had to take some time for me. I was to get through these times quickly and get back to putting the others first. Of course as children this was never their doing. They did not make me feel like I was failing them. But the husband made sure I knew.

Now the children are grown. However, that does not mean that their father does not attempt to use them to control me. He has let them know that we could be a happily separated family if their mother would just do what he wants. And what he wants is for me to continue to tell him and the children that he is a great guy. He doesn’t want anyone to know he repeatedly cheated. And not just cheated, but introduced me to these women. Put us in the same room. Pat himself on the back for being able to do this without me knowing at the time that this was his current girlfriend.

Well. The children aren’t the only people who have grown up. So have I. And I say it is okay for me to be selfish now. The kids don’t need me. If they want to have a relationship with me it is completely up to them. If they want to have nothing to do with me, that is also up to them. Will it hurt me? Yes. But it will also hurt if I have to continue to pretend that everything is fine. That how their father treated me was okay. That I should be okay with everything and be the bigger person to make it easier on everyone else. Embrace his new relationship (not so new). Be happy for him for finding someone new so soon (as if he hadn’t already been cheating). So here is another learning of mine.

ITS OKAY TO BE SELFISH. NOT HURTFUL. BUT YOU CAN PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOU SHOULD PROTECT YOURSELF. AND YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.